Dealing with Disappointment

Have you ever expected something specific to happen, or someone to act a certain way, or circumstances to play out in a certain order?

Sometimes we don’t even realise we are holding a certain expectation until after we feel the disappointment that follows when things haven’t turned out as we mentally envisioned they would.

Let’s be honest. Our children can disappoint us. Our spouse can disappoint us. A work colleague can disappoint us. We can disappoint ourselves. We disappoint others. Circumstances disappoint us.

Disappointment is one of life’s inevitabilities.

When was the last time you felt disappointed, and how did you deal with it? Are you still carrying a disappointment that happened a long time ago?

When disappointment arises there are several responses that we tend to revert to:

• We ruminate and get sad, replaying the disappointment over and over in our minds about how things should have turned out

• We rationalise why it didn’t turn out as expected even though deep down we know there is no rational explanation

• We play the “if only” game, and blame ourselves, other people, God, or the universe

• We control things in such a way that it reduces our risk of being disappointed in the same way in the future

What’s the biggest disappointment you’ve ever had to face?

Sometimes, reminding yourself that you have been disappointed before (and survived) can be the kick start you need to face any new disappointments with an attitude of resilience.

But what about when the disappointment is so huge and so impacting that you cannot see how you will get through it or over it? At the time, the disappointment can feel like the weight of a mountain.

Dealing with disappointment can certainly be hard. Disappointment can leave emotional scars that take time to heal just as much as physical scars do. This is especially true when we bear the disappointment of another person’s actions over which we have no control.

Disappointment is inevitable in life, but clinging to disappointment breeds dejection at least, and bitterness at most.

It is especially important to notice when disappointment is causing a root of bitterness. The root needs to be carefully pulled out before it slowly posions your inner wellbeing and spills over into other areas of your life.

Some ways to do this are:

• Acknowledge the disappointment and find a way to safely let the emotions out.

• Differentiate between what is within control and what isn’t.

• Reflect. Journal. Pray. Draw. Whatever you need to do to cognitively process the emotions.

• Talk to someone. Getting a different perspective helps bring clarity.

• If it is someone else who has disappointed, choose to forgive.

• If it is yourself who has disappointed someone else, make amends as best you’re able, then compassionately forgive yourself and learn from the experience.

• Choose to let it go and focus on moving forward.

Once disappointment is released, then hope has room to enter.

Hope expects a better outcome next time.

Hope sees the smallest flicker of light, even in the dark.

Hope speaks positively, even if negative emotions are still being worked through.

Hope seeks out what is known and good, which creates stronger neural pathways in our brain that look for other good things.

Hope remembers that nothing is ever certain, but nothing is ever hopeless.

At Purposeful Wellbeing I offer individual counselling to those who would like some extra support working through a disappointment that is proving difficult to shake.

If that’s you, here is where you can make a start.

I would be honoured to support you.

© Joanne Edwards 2026