Dealing with Disappointment

One of life’s inevitabilities

© Joanne Edwards @Purposeful Wellbeing

Sitting in my garden is a new bird feeder that our local birds either have not noticed or don’t like! My expectations of rainbow lorikeets, galahs and cockatoos stopping by for a visit each morning and afternoon have not been met, and I am disappointed!

If only disappointment were always the bird feeder kind of variety! But people disappoint us. We disappoint ourselves. We disappoint others. Circumstances disappoint us.

When was the last time you felt disappointed, and how did you deal with it? The choices seem to be:

• Ruminate and get sad?

• Rationalise why it didn’t run out as expected?

• Blame ourselves?

• Blame others?

• Blame God or the universe?

Despite knowing that the emotionally intelligent response is to acknowledge the disappointment and move on, that can be easier said than done.

What’s the biggest disappointment you’ve ever had to face? Sometimes, reminding ourselves that we have been disappointed before (and survived) can be the kick start we need to face any new disappointments with an attitude of resilience.

But what about when the disappointment is so huge and so impacting that you can’t see how you’ll get through it or over it? At the time, the disappointment can feel like the weight of a mountain.

Dealing with disappointment can certainly be hard. Disappointment can leave emotional scars that take time to heal just as much as physical scars do. Disappointment is inevitable in life, but discouragement and quitting are a choice.

Clinging to disappointment breeds dejection at least, and bitterness at most.

Once bitterness takes root, it is not a healthy place to be. Bitterness affects all areas of our lives, even the parts that usually bring us joy. We can’t wallow in disappointment. Instead, we need to:

• Acknowledge the disappointment and let the emotions out in a safe way (cry, thump your pillow, close the door and scream!)

• Differentiate between what is within control and what isn’t.

• Reflect. Journal. Pray. Draw. Whatever you need to do to cognitively process the emotions.

• Talk to someone. Getting a different perspective helps bring clarity.

• If it’s someone else who has disappointed, choose to forgive.

• If it’s yourself who has disappointed someone else, make amends as best you’re able, then forgive yourself and learn from it.

• Choose to let it go and focus on moving forward.

Once we choose to let disappointment go, then we are free to cling to hope!

Hope expects a better outcome next time.

Hope sees the smallest flicker of light, even in the dark.

Hope speaks positively, even if negative emotions are still being worked through.

Hope seeks what is known and good.

Hope remembers that nothing is ever certain, but nothing is ever hopeless.

Sometimes it can help to speak with a professional counsellor if you need some extra support working through a disappointment that is weighing you down. If that’s you, please reach out. I’d love to connect with you. :)